keep it on the download

Happy New Year Chumps!

Long time between drinks, but you know how it is. And if you dont know how it is then ask me.

New things on the horizon this year. Plans. Big plans. First up Jasmine and I have moved to the other side of town where Jasmine has opened up a salon. Great stuff for her. Right now Im upstairs listening to the sound of hairdryers, salon music, freight trains, traffic and boats all blending in to make one big city style electric headache hum. And Im the one who has to keep quite.

I havent worked much this year. 4 hours to be precise. I cant stand not working, it does my head in. But today I got a call saying come in for an induction and start on Monday which I guess is good news, but I dont like to count my chickens before they hatch. Jasmine is pretty excited so I can stop mooching off her and earn some de niro of my own.

The holiday through Asia is getting closer, and shorter. We have decided we can only go for 2 weeks because of the new salon and all. Id love to go for longer but the way things are at the moment I probably cant afford those 2 weeks we do have. I guess Im luckier than most, but being a tourist instead of a traveller is not what Im into. Sure Ill eat my own weight in Thai Curry and Beef Rendang, drink myself fuck eyed every night and get 2 massages a day, but thats the advantage of a strong currency, not my western ignorant consumerist bogan self. Id do it here if I could afford. Hells yeah I would. I guess what Im saying is, Id like to get to know a country and its culture more than just passing through in a 2 week drunk and/or hung over binge.

Anyways enough of the chin wagging. The reason of the post is to convince all you cats to download the Smurfinger album HERE. If I had to give one reason, apart from being absolutely free, its rad. Plain and simple, its rad. Well, most of its rad but Ill leave that to you to decide, once you have downloaded it. Keep it on the download......

The Motherland.

Things that are shitting me as of late #12,847

Keeping quite.

Freight trains in the night. Hey, that actually sounds like it could be a movie with Denzel Washington in it.

This muggy weather.

Not working and having no money. Those two go together like bacon and eggs.

Downloading a cam version of a movie. If I wanted to stare at the back of someones head and hear them talking the whole time Id go to the theatre. Utter disappointment.

Stairs. Dont ever move to a place with stairs.

Over and out.

Your boy,

Yoghurt.

I got a story to tell

Good folks and folks with shot legs,

Last night shit went down. It was pretty awesome, this is how it goes...

Jasmine, Jim, Olly and I where having a few beers at the stew and just standing around talking shit, nothing out of the usual.

All of a sudden we heard a loud bang and all looked at each other for a moment, not knowing what it was. A slight moment of confusion because we thought someone had dropped something until I said "that was a gun shot" and we stepped just outside the house. We heard a commotion and a guys creaming "he shot me in the leg! he shot me in the leg!"

So we turned straight the fuck around, got inside, locked the door and turned the lights off as I was already calling 000. Mood was tensile and everyone was shaken. I was on the phone for just over 5mins but it felt like 30 seconds. I got brave and wanted to go outside and everyone was like, Reubin dont be fucking stupid its a gun. But we opened the door and could hear sirens and someone screaming "put the gun down" but I dont think it was the cops yelling.

We chilled inside for a bit trying to figure out what to do or when to go outside. We could hear people outside but couldnt tell if it was police or not. Eventually we stepped into the street and saw a few uniform cops with torches and police tape. They came straight up to us and we told them what we heard and gave statements and details. Everything seemed calm for awhile and back to almost normal.

We got back inside and opened more beers and had a bit of a chuckle. Jasmine thought it would be funny to put a fake hand out in the street and scream when we saw it, but we quickly convinced her its a bad idea. So I proceeded to play the ABC news theme on marimba. Good times.

1 hour after the shot I got a call from a guy from the SES asking what sort of scene we have on our hands and what lights they should bring down. I was a little confused why he was asking me but answered the best I could and described the street to him. He said he would bring down the "375`s and not the big tower" and I just agreed. It wasnt until a few minutes later that I realised I was absolutely the wrong person to be asking and stepped out into the street again to tell the police the SES called me.

As I got out a few detectives in suites quickly stepped up and sussed us out. I told him about the SES call and he laughed. They had Jasmines car taped up and wouldnt let us take it home. They said it wouldnt take long to dust it down because the shooter hid behind it and it might have prints on it.

It was probably another hour after that and we thought its time to leave but they still woudnt let us take the car. We asked why and they said because they are waiting on bigger lights to come down before forensics can dust it proper. I kind of went silent and didnt say anything.

After all it was a good night with plenty of entertainment. Its not everyday in Brunswick someone gets shot. Here is a news clip of what happened.

Stay safe people.

The happs chaps!

Word! long time a yadda yadda yadda

I left my job. Done. A done diddly do. I am unemployed. But not today at least. I am filling in at the t-shirt take away. Good times. So far its been an hour and a half and ive nearly eaten all my food. No one has walked in so I am considering running to the bottle shop, getting ale headed and spruiking out the front. We will see how the day pans out.

Ive done a bit of stonemason work with a friend and that was good fun. After chipping away at stone and blunting chisels all day, things like wood and people look really soft. Like you could squeeze the shit out of them, but alas that is not the case. I like working with stone, its interesting. Its around 45 million years old and if you make something it will probably last another 45 million. I flattened my thumb plenty of times with the masonry hammer but thats all part of it.

The Wiseflys did another killer gig at the Birmingham. It was the tits. Check out the filmclip if you havent already. I*ll post it below.
We have another gig coming up at the Theatre Royal in Castlemaine. October 1st dont forget, it will be massive. Dance routine spectacular and costume bonanza.
We also made another film clip thanks to Jim. This time with smurfinger. It is going to turn out really well. Will keep you posted on that.
I also mentioned to Jim the other day a short film idea I have, about a real life experience I had. It involves a kangaroo getting hit by a car, a few times, lots of blood and a random sneaker. Jim wants me to star as myself, move over Damon Wayans!

I dont know what else to say apart from job hunting sucks the big one. I am going to do some courses to be a lollypop man and make killer dough. Next time you see a man with a stop/slow sign be sure to give him a wave because it might very well be me! I can hardly wait to stand around like a fluro highlighter and get paid for it. What do you think peoples reaction will be if I spin the thing around like an umbrella? Or if if I pretend its a cock and hump stuff? I hope they like it.

My unemployment is bringing about some strange habbits. Ive barely gotten out of my jim jams and I am addicted to worcestershire sauce. That stuff is the nectar of the gods, truly. Ive had it on salad, chicken and rice, kanga bangas, souvlaki and fried eggs. And thats only the last 2 days. Its fun just pottering around the house and backyard but Im getting sick of it quickly. I hope I find a job soon, Jasmine will be mad as a cut snake if I dont. Bless her.

Until next time and a fond aloha, thats the happs chaps!

Things that are shitting me as of late:
Job seeking, in particular the government jobseeker network and website. For the love of god just let me look for a job the old fashioned way, I couldnt give a fuck about signing up to your bullox.
Gaps in my teeth. Food please stay out of them.
Kevin trying to eat my frogs. Im not liking you recently Kevin.
Sleep routine. Seriously, what the fuck is that all about? A man should be able eat, sleep and carry on with out feeling tired.

No shit!

Welcome old faithfuls, disciples, countrymen, vagrants and bohemians alike. Its good to have you back. Very good.

Ive been reluctant to update for awhile because usually the only funny thing worth mentioning is about me stepping in Kevins shit, otherwise my blog is more like a diary. Or dairy. Or brog. There has been plenty of Kevin shit let me tell you, but not on this occasion. Today is a joyous day, a day of drinking instant coffee thick enough to chew on. Soy milk, naturally. Its the first saturday in a longtime I havent jumped out of bed in a rush to get shit done. No plans until Jasmine gets home. Joyous occasion. I have positive $2 in my account, a few litres of soy milk, half jar of instant and enough sugar to toffee myself into a sugarfit. I wont be going anywhere.

I wish we could fast forward to this holiday Jasmine and I are going on. I just wish I could do the proper traveller thing and go for months on end, but to many commitments keep us both grounded. One day we will. 

Im even planning the next holiday and havent even got enough cash to do this one. But its Africa for sure. After seeing a few amazing African acts over last 6 months and reminding myself how since I could talk, Ive been saying Im going to Africa. Its Africa for sure. Now that Smurfinger is on the shelf indefinitely Ive started African drumming again. I cant tell you how happy I am to be doing this music again, I love it. 

Ive started playing Krin with Sayon Souare, a master West African musician who is married to Molly, who taught me Djembe to start with. Sayon is an insane musician and dancer and very, very talented. Soon enough we will be doing the folk festival circuits and really making a name. 

Ive also been playing drums for Randy Borquay who was big in the 80`s reggae scene. Old school rocker who knows how its done. I love playing reggae. Randy said to me after our first jam "why you so good at African drums? ask your Mummy why you good at African drums" and I replied "Maybe our milkman was African?" and he yelled at the top of his lungs "YOU HAVE DRANK THE AFRICAN MILK! NO WONDER YOU PLAY AFRICAN!" I think he kind of missed what I was saying but it still cracked me up. He is from Ghana, so you couldnt get a word in if Ghana was playing someone in the world cup. Crazy times. Had a few late jams only playing when the adds are on so Randy could yell and chant while Ghana where playing. Good times. Turns out he came to my primary school when I was a whipper snapper and played some traditional African stuff. Now 15 years later Im playing drums for him.

Here is a video of Randy, probably the year I was born.

Here is Sayon playing Bolon and singing. Crazy stuff.

Here is some dudes playing Krins. Awesome log drum Ive only just discovered.

Things that are shitting me as of late:

Winter.

Money.

The flu Ive had for a week.

Commercial television, in particular Masterchef.

finishing all 7 seasons of Shameless. I want more.

No $8 Thai massages.

Im sure there is heaps more things and its shitting me I cant think of them.

Until next time blogren.

where its at

Well these last few months have been from one extreme to the other. I have taken on so many projects its hard to keep up. Im a man of copious ambitions, with a great inability to see the job finished before Im on with the next. Its surprising. Im an ideas man. A thinker, not a do-er? Errr, let me tell you about them.

Firstly I have tried to leave my job twice. First time I told the boss I was leaving eventually to go back to school. The response I got was, well....why dont you fuck off now? (not in those words) Being cocky I thought it was sweet so I get get on with finding another job and find the right course I want. My plan B`s quickly failed and I found myself nearing my last day of work. Not only last day of work but no company car, no money to fall back on and not enough food to last a week. Jasmine was not liking the sound of this, actually she called me a dickhead more times that week than any other and that is saying alot! On the 11th hour as someone else was lined up to take over my job the boss had a minor freakout and promised a merger with another company if I stayed on. That for me was as good as a new job. So I pretended like it was a good business idea whilst silently removing the shit stains from potential unemployment. That scares me. I have worked since before I was 16 and have done almost ever since. I applied for centrelink once, and once only. They put me through so much horse shit I found it easier to get an actual job.

Actually, ignore most of that. Some monumental things have happened, here they are in shorthand.

1; Tried to leave work = didnt happen = long story but for now its all good

2; Started a Documentary on Maurice Frawley - still working on it

3; Olly and I now lease a warehouse in Black st, Brunswick

Its pretty fucking choice and in an awesome spot. Heaps of shit really close. We are in the middle of soundproofing it for studio/rehearsal room type deal. Good things coming. Parties, recordings, film clips, you name it. So far it will be called Brunswick stew or Vegetable Stewdio

4; booked oneway tickets for Jasmine and I to Singapore. March 2011.

The plan is to take the train up through Malaysia, Thailand, Cambodia, Laos and into Vietnam. Im pretty keen to get into Vietnam to get my Pho soup on, and faux suit on. I want to go for months and hopefully into China and Tibet but Jasmine isnt so keen. We will see how the cash flow is at the time.

So take my advice. Eat delicious food and travel the world doing it. Those things you always thought of doing, just start doing them, even if you dont finish them.

Ciao for now.

Things that are shitting me as of late:

Some beiber kid I know nothing about

Glee - Ive never actually seen this show but saw a billboard once and have hated it ever since.

Winters lurking coldness- fuck I hate you

Toilet troubles - not me personally but living in a house with plumbing that constantly shits itself  (pun absolutely intended)

Waiting for this holiday - I only booked it a few days ago but just cant wait.

Throwing away old food from the fridge - It just makes me feel to wasteful but then when you leave it things just get worse. 

Matt Preston - no explanation needed.

Season 8 of Shameless wont be out until next year.

Typing this blog when I feel I have none much interesting to say.

the shit bits

Hi gang! Im back with an all new exciting edition featuring plenty of shit, and poo humor. Ive been slack with the blog thing but for obvious reason, the only interesting thing Ive got to say is about Kevins shit. And there is plenty of it, trust me. I spose ill tell you about the most recent deposit. A mere 15 minutes ago I was in the shower, Kevins most beloved pongo dish that he favors shitting in if he cant get to the treadmill. He shits in the shower most days and I usually pretend I havent seen it until Jasmine cleans it. Im sure she does the same to me. Anyways, I had just cleaned a chalky egg surprise and decided to shower not noticing another egg awaits me in the plug hole. It didnt bother me at first but after a while its hard to ignore. I wasnt going to jump out and grab something to poke it down or scoop it out so I thought maybe I could use my big toe. Fucking bad move. I figured I could just wash my toe afterwards and it would be a done deal. No more showering over a cat shit and one clean big toe. So, I gave it a poke with the toe and because it had hot water running over it, the consistency was more like a fucking melted ferrero rocher and I began to dry reach instantly. Bad times. The shit stayed still and my one big toe feels like it will never get clean. I swear the toe has nerve endings or taste buds or something because Im walking around treating it like a red headed step child, like I dont want to be near it.

I just got back from a long weekend of recording with Smurfinger. We did it at the south Muckleford hall. Its a pretty awesome place, an old school from 1850s to 1930s and has pictures of dudes that whent to the school and died in the great war. I struggled to find the greatness in the war but fond the stories in the old roll call book really interesting. It was the stories of the guys in the photos, most born around Muckleford and going to school there untill they enlisted in the army at mostly around age 19 and died aged 22. It said where they fought and got shot. And other patriotic jargon about serving the empire. Weird really. 

The recording is shaping up well so keep your eyes on the myspace for the new tunes.

We stayed out there for 4 days, sleeping in the hall and eating the same pot of vegan stew that Tom cooked up. The problem with being out of town is the toilets. The flusher wasnt working and both the shitters had unflushed shit in them. After a big spliff and a stomach full of stew, I needed to go do number two. Not to keen on shitting on other peoples shit I had no choice but to do it bush style. Which was right next to the cricket oval. I dont know why Im telling you this because its rather personal and disgusting. But it was awkward, and thats why Im telling you. Its one thing to piss on a tree but if you have ever tried to take a dump, while stoned, in the dark, in the middle of nowhere and hearing horses stomp and nay or whatever fucking noise they make. Its scary. Especially when you have a turd on deck that would out weigh a bag of oranges and squatting it out, trying not to shit on your feet.

Things that are shitting me as of late: (no pun intended)

Squatting in the bush

Racist australian news

Rove McManus

Footballers that make the news headlines over 700 dead in Chile 

So you think you can dance. Id like to see those guys in a knife fight with My kitchen rules.

Im sure alot more things shit me but my dinner is ready.

Cock, muff, bumhole.

Its all in the turkey

Im not sure where to start because my last blog was over a month ago, let me think. hhmmm, just before Christmas Jasmine and I ran around like fools because we hosted Christmas, both sides of the family. It was a success. Turkey and chicken and all sorts. Oh that reminds me, as I was at the servo pumping the tyre on Sauls new bike (of which he wasnt to fussed) around 10am, Jasmine rang me screaming like she was possessed "theirs a fucking cock inside the turkey and I just threw up in the sink!!!" "what do you mean by cock in the turkey?" "I put my hands inside to stuff the turkey and felts something hard, pulled it out and it was a dick!"

I wasnt sure what to think of all this screaming, dick and turkey talk, so I headed home to find out what it was about. I thought maybe some one at the turkey factory had a few drinky poos at the work Christmas party and decided to give it the old one, two. And somehow in the process it got cut off and ended up on my very table, inside the big bird. Turns out it was just its own neck and its quite standard practice.

We went to the Why? gig and it was absolutely brilliant. I had a realization while I was there that people go to watch the music and maybe have a bit of a dance. But some, only a few, get so consumed and think they are at a karaoke bar and yell all the words as loud as possible. This makes an uncomfortable event for those around them that just want watch, listen and maybe dance. Its shit-house hearing some out of tune fuck wit with his hat on side ways yell the lyrics into the side of your face. To close for comfort. And security guards, fuck, dont get me started on these hunks of hammer that just want to punch peoples face in for looking funny. It was annoying that we found a good spot up the front, security decides to stand right in front of me so I couldn't see and then tell me about his cheap iphone and how he lost his judo match in the olympics. Yes, you are physically elite and could break a broom stick by staring at it but I paid to watch a band, not you.

New years was camping in the Grampians. That was good. Camping is good.

I had a few weeks off work which gave me time to gather my thoughts and watch a slut load of movies. We had a Tarintino marathon, all of them back to back for about 4 days. Its was good but by the end I was ready to slice some shit up with swords and scream motherfucker alot.

My time to think made me set some new years goals that Im already not sticking to that well. Things like drumming, cleaning, fuck I cant even remember them. Fuck it. So much for that.

But I have decided next year Im going to school, either to do percussion or film making. 

I spent my first few days back at work grinding my teeth and figuring out how Im going to tell the boss, because I think, she thinks I will stay forever and one day take over the place. But turns out that wasnt the plan. So I keep hump dancing every time she turns her back and pushing the boundaries of what I can do while she is looking the other way.

The film making plan is relatively new but I can see myself sticking with it. After watching a few Australian short masterpieces that really touched me, I think its my calling. Here is a little piece that raises some very important issues in todays society. Its heart wrenching to say the least and touches on things like lust, love, desire and action. The constant struggle to please those in power. To rise up and say this just isnt good enough to a man, who is reluctant to give up his cultural icon to a lesser equal. A classic sing for your supper story with a moving sound track. I really feel this. 

things that are shitting me as of late:

Crazy people

Bin bags

Socks with holes

Lack of funds to keep my drinking and eating habit at an unhealthy but steady rate

Not being able to laze around for days on end and not actually achieve anything. Like getting stoned, putting on some tunes and laying there until my hunger has gotten the better of me. That was pretty well my youth summed up in 2 sentences.

Basic modern personal maintenance, like shaving, brushing teeth, cutting toe nails and pissing in the toilet. I always opt for the lemon tree but showering and wiping my ass are essential and those I couldnt live without.

People who think they have the answers to your life

Until next time. Keep your eyes to the sky.