keep it on the download

Happy New Year Chumps!

Long time between drinks, but you know how it is. And if you dont know how it is then ask me.

New things on the horizon this year. Plans. Big plans. First up Jasmine and I have moved to the other side of town where Jasmine has opened up a salon. Great stuff for her. Right now Im upstairs listening to the sound of hairdryers, salon music, freight trains, traffic and boats all blending in to make one big city style electric headache hum. And Im the one who has to keep quite.

I havent worked much this year. 4 hours to be precise. I cant stand not working, it does my head in. But today I got a call saying come in for an induction and start on Monday which I guess is good news, but I dont like to count my chickens before they hatch. Jasmine is pretty excited so I can stop mooching off her and earn some de niro of my own.

The holiday through Asia is getting closer, and shorter. We have decided we can only go for 2 weeks because of the new salon and all. Id love to go for longer but the way things are at the moment I probably cant afford those 2 weeks we do have. I guess Im luckier than most, but being a tourist instead of a traveller is not what Im into. Sure Ill eat my own weight in Thai Curry and Beef Rendang, drink myself fuck eyed every night and get 2 massages a day, but thats the advantage of a strong currency, not my western ignorant consumerist bogan self. Id do it here if I could afford. Hells yeah I would. I guess what Im saying is, Id like to get to know a country and its culture more than just passing through in a 2 week drunk and/or hung over binge.

Anyways enough of the chin wagging. The reason of the post is to convince all you cats to download the Smurfinger album HERE. If I had to give one reason, apart from being absolutely free, its rad. Plain and simple, its rad. Well, most of its rad but Ill leave that to you to decide, once you have downloaded it. Keep it on the download......

The Motherland.

Things that are shitting me as of late #12,847

Keeping quite.

Freight trains in the night. Hey, that actually sounds like it could be a movie with Denzel Washington in it.

This muggy weather.

Not working and having no money. Those two go together like bacon and eggs.

Downloading a cam version of a movie. If I wanted to stare at the back of someones head and hear them talking the whole time Id go to the theatre. Utter disappointment.

Stairs. Dont ever move to a place with stairs.

Over and out.

Your boy,

Yoghurt.

I got a story to tell

Good folks and folks with shot legs,

Last night shit went down. It was pretty awesome, this is how it goes...

Jasmine, Jim, Olly and I where having a few beers at the stew and just standing around talking shit, nothing out of the usual.

All of a sudden we heard a loud bang and all looked at each other for a moment, not knowing what it was. A slight moment of confusion because we thought someone had dropped something until I said "that was a gun shot" and we stepped just outside the house. We heard a commotion and a guys creaming "he shot me in the leg! he shot me in the leg!"

So we turned straight the fuck around, got inside, locked the door and turned the lights off as I was already calling 000. Mood was tensile and everyone was shaken. I was on the phone for just over 5mins but it felt like 30 seconds. I got brave and wanted to go outside and everyone was like, Reubin dont be fucking stupid its a gun. But we opened the door and could hear sirens and someone screaming "put the gun down" but I dont think it was the cops yelling.

We chilled inside for a bit trying to figure out what to do or when to go outside. We could hear people outside but couldnt tell if it was police or not. Eventually we stepped into the street and saw a few uniform cops with torches and police tape. They came straight up to us and we told them what we heard and gave statements and details. Everything seemed calm for awhile and back to almost normal.

We got back inside and opened more beers and had a bit of a chuckle. Jasmine thought it would be funny to put a fake hand out in the street and scream when we saw it, but we quickly convinced her its a bad idea. So I proceeded to play the ABC news theme on marimba. Good times.

1 hour after the shot I got a call from a guy from the SES asking what sort of scene we have on our hands and what lights they should bring down. I was a little confused why he was asking me but answered the best I could and described the street to him. He said he would bring down the "375`s and not the big tower" and I just agreed. It wasnt until a few minutes later that I realised I was absolutely the wrong person to be asking and stepped out into the street again to tell the police the SES called me.

As I got out a few detectives in suites quickly stepped up and sussed us out. I told him about the SES call and he laughed. They had Jasmines car taped up and wouldnt let us take it home. They said it wouldnt take long to dust it down because the shooter hid behind it and it might have prints on it.

It was probably another hour after that and we thought its time to leave but they still woudnt let us take the car. We asked why and they said because they are waiting on bigger lights to come down before forensics can dust it proper. I kind of went silent and didnt say anything.

After all it was a good night with plenty of entertainment. Its not everyday in Brunswick someone gets shot. Here is a news clip of what happened.

Stay safe people.

The happs chaps!

Word! long time a yadda yadda yadda

I left my job. Done. A done diddly do. I am unemployed. But not today at least. I am filling in at the t-shirt take away. Good times. So far its been an hour and a half and ive nearly eaten all my food. No one has walked in so I am considering running to the bottle shop, getting ale headed and spruiking out the front. We will see how the day pans out.

Ive done a bit of stonemason work with a friend and that was good fun. After chipping away at stone and blunting chisels all day, things like wood and people look really soft. Like you could squeeze the shit out of them, but alas that is not the case. I like working with stone, its interesting. Its around 45 million years old and if you make something it will probably last another 45 million. I flattened my thumb plenty of times with the masonry hammer but thats all part of it.

The Wiseflys did another killer gig at the Birmingham. It was the tits. Check out the filmclip if you havent already. I*ll post it below.
We have another gig coming up at the Theatre Royal in Castlemaine. October 1st dont forget, it will be massive. Dance routine spectacular and costume bonanza.
We also made another film clip thanks to Jim. This time with smurfinger. It is going to turn out really well. Will keep you posted on that.
I also mentioned to Jim the other day a short film idea I have, about a real life experience I had. It involves a kangaroo getting hit by a car, a few times, lots of blood and a random sneaker. Jim wants me to star as myself, move over Damon Wayans!

I dont know what else to say apart from job hunting sucks the big one. I am going to do some courses to be a lollypop man and make killer dough. Next time you see a man with a stop/slow sign be sure to give him a wave because it might very well be me! I can hardly wait to stand around like a fluro highlighter and get paid for it. What do you think peoples reaction will be if I spin the thing around like an umbrella? Or if if I pretend its a cock and hump stuff? I hope they like it.

My unemployment is bringing about some strange habbits. Ive barely gotten out of my jim jams and I am addicted to worcestershire sauce. That stuff is the nectar of the gods, truly. Ive had it on salad, chicken and rice, kanga bangas, souvlaki and fried eggs. And thats only the last 2 days. Its fun just pottering around the house and backyard but Im getting sick of it quickly. I hope I find a job soon, Jasmine will be mad as a cut snake if I dont. Bless her.

Until next time and a fond aloha, thats the happs chaps!

Things that are shitting me as of late:
Job seeking, in particular the government jobseeker network and website. For the love of god just let me look for a job the old fashioned way, I couldnt give a fuck about signing up to your bullox.
Gaps in my teeth. Food please stay out of them.
Kevin trying to eat my frogs. Im not liking you recently Kevin.
Sleep routine. Seriously, what the fuck is that all about? A man should be able eat, sleep and carry on with out feeling tired.

No shit!

Welcome old faithfuls, disciples, countrymen, vagrants and bohemians alike. Its good to have you back. Very good.

Ive been reluctant to update for awhile because usually the only funny thing worth mentioning is about me stepping in Kevins shit, otherwise my blog is more like a diary. Or dairy. Or brog. There has been plenty of Kevin shit let me tell you, but not on this occasion. Today is a joyous day, a day of drinking instant coffee thick enough to chew on. Soy milk, naturally. Its the first saturday in a longtime I havent jumped out of bed in a rush to get shit done. No plans until Jasmine gets home. Joyous occasion. I have positive $2 in my account, a few litres of soy milk, half jar of instant and enough sugar to toffee myself into a sugarfit. I wont be going anywhere.

I wish we could fast forward to this holiday Jasmine and I are going on. I just wish I could do the proper traveller thing and go for months on end, but to many commitments keep us both grounded. One day we will. 

Im even planning the next holiday and havent even got enough cash to do this one. But its Africa for sure. After seeing a few amazing African acts over last 6 months and reminding myself how since I could talk, Ive been saying Im going to Africa. Its Africa for sure. Now that Smurfinger is on the shelf indefinitely Ive started African drumming again. I cant tell you how happy I am to be doing this music again, I love it. 

Ive started playing Krin with Sayon Souare, a master West African musician who is married to Molly, who taught me Djembe to start with. Sayon is an insane musician and dancer and very, very talented. Soon enough we will be doing the folk festival circuits and really making a name. 

Ive also been playing drums for Randy Borquay who was big in the 80`s reggae scene. Old school rocker who knows how its done. I love playing reggae. Randy said to me after our first jam "why you so good at African drums? ask your Mummy why you good at African drums" and I replied "Maybe our milkman was African?" and he yelled at the top of his lungs "YOU HAVE DRANK THE AFRICAN MILK! NO WONDER YOU PLAY AFRICAN!" I think he kind of missed what I was saying but it still cracked me up. He is from Ghana, so you couldnt get a word in if Ghana was playing someone in the world cup. Crazy times. Had a few late jams only playing when the adds are on so Randy could yell and chant while Ghana where playing. Good times. Turns out he came to my primary school when I was a whipper snapper and played some traditional African stuff. Now 15 years later Im playing drums for him.

Here is a video of Randy, probably the year I was born.

Here is Sayon playing Bolon and singing. Crazy stuff.

Here is some dudes playing Krins. Awesome log drum Ive only just discovered.

Things that are shitting me as of late:

Winter.

Money.

The flu Ive had for a week.

Commercial television, in particular Masterchef.

finishing all 7 seasons of Shameless. I want more.

No $8 Thai massages.

Im sure there is heaps more things and its shitting me I cant think of them.

Until next time blogren.

where its at

Well these last few months have been from one extreme to the other. I have taken on so many projects its hard to keep up. Im a man of copious ambitions, with a great inability to see the job finished before Im on with the next. Its surprising. Im an ideas man. A thinker, not a do-er? Errr, let me tell you about them.

Firstly I have tried to leave my job twice. First time I told the boss I was leaving eventually to go back to school. The response I got was, well....why dont you fuck off now? (not in those words) Being cocky I thought it was sweet so I get get on with finding another job and find the right course I want. My plan B`s quickly failed and I found myself nearing my last day of work. Not only last day of work but no company car, no money to fall back on and not enough food to last a week. Jasmine was not liking the sound of this, actually she called me a dickhead more times that week than any other and that is saying alot! On the 11th hour as someone else was lined up to take over my job the boss had a minor freakout and promised a merger with another company if I stayed on. That for me was as good as a new job. So I pretended like it was a good business idea whilst silently removing the shit stains from potential unemployment. That scares me. I have worked since before I was 16 and have done almost ever since. I applied for centrelink once, and once only. They put me through so much horse shit I found it easier to get an actual job.

Actually, ignore most of that. Some monumental things have happened, here they are in shorthand.

1; Tried to leave work = didnt happen = long story but for now its all good

2; Started a Documentary on Maurice Frawley - still working on it

3; Olly and I now lease a warehouse in Black st, Brunswick

Its pretty fucking choice and in an awesome spot. Heaps of shit really close. We are in the middle of soundproofing it for studio/rehearsal room type deal. Good things coming. Parties, recordings, film clips, you name it. So far it will be called Brunswick stew or Vegetable Stewdio

4; booked oneway tickets for Jasmine and I to Singapore. March 2011.

The plan is to take the train up through Malaysia, Thailand, Cambodia, Laos and into Vietnam. Im pretty keen to get into Vietnam to get my Pho soup on, and faux suit on. I want to go for months and hopefully into China and Tibet but Jasmine isnt so keen. We will see how the cash flow is at the time.

So take my advice. Eat delicious food and travel the world doing it. Those things you always thought of doing, just start doing them, even if you dont finish them.

Ciao for now.

Things that are shitting me as of late:

Some beiber kid I know nothing about

Glee - Ive never actually seen this show but saw a billboard once and have hated it ever since.

Winters lurking coldness- fuck I hate you

Toilet troubles - not me personally but living in a house with plumbing that constantly shits itself  (pun absolutely intended)

Waiting for this holiday - I only booked it a few days ago but just cant wait.

Throwing away old food from the fridge - It just makes me feel to wasteful but then when you leave it things just get worse. 

Matt Preston - no explanation needed.

Season 8 of Shameless wont be out until next year.

Typing this blog when I feel I have none much interesting to say.

the shit bits

Hi gang! Im back with an all new exciting edition featuring plenty of shit, and poo humor. Ive been slack with the blog thing but for obvious reason, the only interesting thing Ive got to say is about Kevins shit. And there is plenty of it, trust me. I spose ill tell you about the most recent deposit. A mere 15 minutes ago I was in the shower, Kevins most beloved pongo dish that he favors shitting in if he cant get to the treadmill. He shits in the shower most days and I usually pretend I havent seen it until Jasmine cleans it. Im sure she does the same to me. Anyways, I had just cleaned a chalky egg surprise and decided to shower not noticing another egg awaits me in the plug hole. It didnt bother me at first but after a while its hard to ignore. I wasnt going to jump out and grab something to poke it down or scoop it out so I thought maybe I could use my big toe. Fucking bad move. I figured I could just wash my toe afterwards and it would be a done deal. No more showering over a cat shit and one clean big toe. So, I gave it a poke with the toe and because it had hot water running over it, the consistency was more like a fucking melted ferrero rocher and I began to dry reach instantly. Bad times. The shit stayed still and my one big toe feels like it will never get clean. I swear the toe has nerve endings or taste buds or something because Im walking around treating it like a red headed step child, like I dont want to be near it.

I just got back from a long weekend of recording with Smurfinger. We did it at the south Muckleford hall. Its a pretty awesome place, an old school from 1850s to 1930s and has pictures of dudes that whent to the school and died in the great war. I struggled to find the greatness in the war but fond the stories in the old roll call book really interesting. It was the stories of the guys in the photos, most born around Muckleford and going to school there untill they enlisted in the army at mostly around age 19 and died aged 22. It said where they fought and got shot. And other patriotic jargon about serving the empire. Weird really. 

The recording is shaping up well so keep your eyes on the myspace for the new tunes.

We stayed out there for 4 days, sleeping in the hall and eating the same pot of vegan stew that Tom cooked up. The problem with being out of town is the toilets. The flusher wasnt working and both the shitters had unflushed shit in them. After a big spliff and a stomach full of stew, I needed to go do number two. Not to keen on shitting on other peoples shit I had no choice but to do it bush style. Which was right next to the cricket oval. I dont know why Im telling you this because its rather personal and disgusting. But it was awkward, and thats why Im telling you. Its one thing to piss on a tree but if you have ever tried to take a dump, while stoned, in the dark, in the middle of nowhere and hearing horses stomp and nay or whatever fucking noise they make. Its scary. Especially when you have a turd on deck that would out weigh a bag of oranges and squatting it out, trying not to shit on your feet.

Things that are shitting me as of late: (no pun intended)

Squatting in the bush

Racist australian news

Rove McManus

Footballers that make the news headlines over 700 dead in Chile 

So you think you can dance. Id like to see those guys in a knife fight with My kitchen rules.

Im sure alot more things shit me but my dinner is ready.

Cock, muff, bumhole.

Its all in the turkey

Im not sure where to start because my last blog was over a month ago, let me think. hhmmm, just before Christmas Jasmine and I ran around like fools because we hosted Christmas, both sides of the family. It was a success. Turkey and chicken and all sorts. Oh that reminds me, as I was at the servo pumping the tyre on Sauls new bike (of which he wasnt to fussed) around 10am, Jasmine rang me screaming like she was possessed "theirs a fucking cock inside the turkey and I just threw up in the sink!!!" "what do you mean by cock in the turkey?" "I put my hands inside to stuff the turkey and felts something hard, pulled it out and it was a dick!"

I wasnt sure what to think of all this screaming, dick and turkey talk, so I headed home to find out what it was about. I thought maybe some one at the turkey factory had a few drinky poos at the work Christmas party and decided to give it the old one, two. And somehow in the process it got cut off and ended up on my very table, inside the big bird. Turns out it was just its own neck and its quite standard practice.

We went to the Why? gig and it was absolutely brilliant. I had a realization while I was there that people go to watch the music and maybe have a bit of a dance. But some, only a few, get so consumed and think they are at a karaoke bar and yell all the words as loud as possible. This makes an uncomfortable event for those around them that just want watch, listen and maybe dance. Its shit-house hearing some out of tune fuck wit with his hat on side ways yell the lyrics into the side of your face. To close for comfort. And security guards, fuck, dont get me started on these hunks of hammer that just want to punch peoples face in for looking funny. It was annoying that we found a good spot up the front, security decides to stand right in front of me so I couldn't see and then tell me about his cheap iphone and how he lost his judo match in the olympics. Yes, you are physically elite and could break a broom stick by staring at it but I paid to watch a band, not you.

New years was camping in the Grampians. That was good. Camping is good.

I had a few weeks off work which gave me time to gather my thoughts and watch a slut load of movies. We had a Tarintino marathon, all of them back to back for about 4 days. Its was good but by the end I was ready to slice some shit up with swords and scream motherfucker alot.

My time to think made me set some new years goals that Im already not sticking to that well. Things like drumming, cleaning, fuck I cant even remember them. Fuck it. So much for that.

But I have decided next year Im going to school, either to do percussion or film making. 

I spent my first few days back at work grinding my teeth and figuring out how Im going to tell the boss, because I think, she thinks I will stay forever and one day take over the place. But turns out that wasnt the plan. So I keep hump dancing every time she turns her back and pushing the boundaries of what I can do while she is looking the other way.

The film making plan is relatively new but I can see myself sticking with it. After watching a few Australian short masterpieces that really touched me, I think its my calling. Here is a little piece that raises some very important issues in todays society. Its heart wrenching to say the least and touches on things like lust, love, desire and action. The constant struggle to please those in power. To rise up and say this just isnt good enough to a man, who is reluctant to give up his cultural icon to a lesser equal. A classic sing for your supper story with a moving sound track. I really feel this. 

things that are shitting me as of late:

Crazy people

Bin bags

Socks with holes

Lack of funds to keep my drinking and eating habit at an unhealthy but steady rate

Not being able to laze around for days on end and not actually achieve anything. Like getting stoned, putting on some tunes and laying there until my hunger has gotten the better of me. That was pretty well my youth summed up in 2 sentences.

Basic modern personal maintenance, like shaving, brushing teeth, cutting toe nails and pissing in the toilet. I always opt for the lemon tree but showering and wiping my ass are essential and those I couldnt live without.

People who think they have the answers to your life

Until next time. Keep your eyes to the sky.

where the poo things are

Well shit, where do I start? maybe where the poo things are? They are across my backyard thats where they are. 

It started when the drain in the backyard decided to work the opposite way of its sole purpose. So we rang the emergency numbers for the real estate. To no avail. Thanks a fucking lot. My back yard was stinking of shit and we had to deal with it. So first thing in the morning I rang them and the lady had this attitude like "just pull the spaghetti out of the plug-hole" until I said "theirs poo all over my backyard" and she quickly changed her tone, and all was fixed by the time I got home from work.

The night of the poo was when we saw Where the wild things are. Its brilliant but very sad. A little to sad. Did you know Spike Jonze is co-owner of girl skateboards? did you know Spike Jonze was dating Karen-o? Did you know Spike Jonze is creative director vbs.tv? Did you know Spike Jonze is pretty bloody awesome? Well, you should. What a man.

I've discovered a few things about myself recently. One is that I'm pretty fucking good at lawn bowls. Almost too good. It shocked me. It was Jasmine's long for it xmas party and we all got pretty drunk and bowled like the oldest people alive. TAB times and a chicken parma you could eat with no teeth. 

Another thing I've noticed is my habit of mocking people behind their back. And its pretty close to getting me into trouble. Its a new found habit but its pretty awesome, you should give it a try. A few classic examples are pretending beat off when someone turns the other way. I almost got busted the other day, using a knife as a penis and fucking a piece bread with a Clint Eastwood snarl  look on my face, just as the person who was about to eat the bread walked back in. Close call. Lucky.

The wiseflyz gig was dang good. I was planning on wearing one of Jasmine's dresses, but couldn't figure out how or what bits of my body went where. So I wore a fluffy blue vest instead. Looked a million bucks I did. We played well and Stingray sung and danced better than Mickey Jackson.

I need/ want new vacuum cleaner. One that could suck a cock off a horse. One that could pull the skin on a Pug so tight it would look like a Chihuahua, or a bald rat. One that will clean up Kevin shit and then cleans itself. For fuck sake Kevin, your a domestic animal, and by domestic I mean you have been selectively bred over thousands of years alongside humans and you still cant shit in your designated shitting area. What is it behind your little cat face that makes you want to shit on things like a treadmill? Yes, a fucking treadmill and a cat, you wouldn't think of all places he would shit there. Maybe one day you saw me watching this and thought in your cat head, I reckon thats a good place to shit, right where those idiot humans walk. Or maybe, after talking to the cat at the door, the one that actually pissed on the front door, you made a bet with him who could annoy your human masters the most. Well you and you cat friend have done quite a good job. Thanks. Or maybe you where just doing your daily cat thing, drink from the water bowl, eat some expensive cat food, lick your paws and face, roll around a little.....then you spot the treadmill.  You think to yourself, what is that? can I shit on it? then you look at it with a Clint Eastwood snarl but a cat version and think you know what? fuck it. I am going to shit on that thing, a few times. Thanks a lot Kev.

We also got a sweet couch, I will put some pics up when I can be screwed.

Things that are shitting me as of late:

Kevin shitting.

Shit in the backyard.

Poo.

Borry.

Turd.

All things poo related. 

Lack of time to achieve the thousands of goals I set.

Anyways, keep it in the toilet. And dont forget to wipe.

It`s wet as

First of all, the Latin festival.

Saturday was shaping up to be a good one. Latin festival on Johnston St. was on. Time to eat some delicious food and get our drink on with some amigos above the T-shirt takeaway. Its was all good. The food was fucking bueno. A bit later in the day it started to rain, which wasnt that bad because it was still kind of hot, and it didnt really matter if you got a little wet.
Afterwards Jasmine and I thought we would go to a party not far from home. We got a taxi home, and I was up for a bit of small talk with the driver. The problem was, I have this unintentional habit of trying to get on the same level as who I'm talking to. For example; if I talk to a truck driver I'm all "g`day mate, hows the fucking weather for ya? alright if your a fucking duck!" and if I go to the chemist or something I'm a bit "oh, excuse me miss, could I trouble you for some of your most delightful haemorrhoid cream?" and my tone of voice changes dramatically. So in a taxi I tend to change my accent to the drivers and hopefully make them feel a bit more comfortable for a conversation. It kind of worked and we just talked about the best Indian restaurants in Melbourne "I lllike spize vood" sort of thing. Infact I didnt even realise until we jumped out and said "why where you talking like a fuckhead to that guy?"

So we grabbed the bikes and umbrellas and headed for the bottle shop. By this stage it was fucking pissing down and the streets where almost flooding. But because the party and the bottle shop wasnt so far, we thought the bikes and brollies would suffice. And the surely did not. By the time we got to the bottle shop, our clothes looked a little wet. We missed the closing time by about 2 minutes and the rain just got worse and worse. We tried to ride up and down Sydney Rd, to find alcohol but everywhere was shut. By this stage it was established we where wet and should go home. And it was in the way home, after Jasmine screaming at me for riding off to many times, she misjudged the gutter and fell straight in a huge puddle on the road as a car was coming. Its dark, wet and Jasmines ass over in a puddle of water with a car coming towards her. So I jumped in with my shoes on and ripped her out. The water was up to mid shin level and the car just slowed down and went around. We where absolutely fucking drenched and went strait home. I saw the funny side to it all and had a laugh, to which Jasmine responded by punching me in the ribs.

Thing that are shitting me as of late:
frustration
wet shoes
Christmas, already
when Jasmine says she has keys, but doesn't and we get locked out of the house
university students who feel the need to give their moral 2 cents on everything
people who jump the cue at the supermarket
the taste and thought of custard
war crimes
religion
I wasnt sure if I should laugh or cry when I saw this. Its a little weird.


Keep you burritos out of those burros.

ooooh yep

Im back again from the depths of the internetless caves, technology depressant, lack of communication devices, 1940`s lifestyle I have been trialing for a new TV series.
No not really, nothing of the sorts. I have been blogslack and cant be assed telling you about things that dont really matter. But today my good readers I will fill you in on a few things.......

The house is going well.
I just turned 22. It feels fucking great. Alot better than 21, by far. At 21 I felt like I had responsibilities to be a 21 y.o. and start doing great things with myself. But now at 22 I have embraced the failures over the last year and thought, fuck it, to hell with them. I am enjoying being a stubborn and opinionated post 21 y.o.
For my birthday we had a BBQ. Lots of meat, beer and good times. I felt Australian. I drank like it was my birthday and was hardly making sense by the end of the night. God it was awesome. For my 21st I felt like I had to make it a special event that I would remember for the rest of my life. I would look back and think, fuck your awesome Reubin, your 21st was the best fun I had since losing my virginity. But in reality it was just another party. I have embraced the finer things in life, like cooking meat to perfection, like its an art form. And making noises like Im on masterchef, slurrping and yelling fuck this is good! I have become more interested in things like herbs and gardening. I am growing up.
The wisdom of a 22 y.o has made me realise I need a purpose or a hobby. So I have started a course in documentry film making. I am really enjoying it. So far we have watched snippets of films and commented on them, one of my favorite things to do. Ill see how the course goes and then decide what steps to take next. I have always liked documentary and always wondered how they are made, so this was right up my alley. I have watched some fucked up films over the last week, one called War Dance. It was like the real life Blood Diamond. Without the diamond or Leo, just stuff about child soldiers and conflict in Africa. It made me cry. Its a sad state of affairs. Also some good stuff about Lionel Rose. Well to do Aboriginal dude that met Elvis, won a world title, spent his money, robbed a primary school and now spends his time talking to his mum and going the greyhound races. Its a wonderful world.

A few funny things have happened, its not all sad. Like the time Jasmine and I got home late and thought a good nights sleep was on the cards, Kevin (the cat) jumped in the bed and tried to snuggle in. Which he usually does so it didnt bother us. After a moment we could smell a burning or something vulgar. We looked at each other and I thought maybe the kitchen was on fire because it smelt like burning plastic and was getting stronger. I was like, what the fuck I just want to go to sleep. So I jumped up and ran into the kitchen. No fire. Checked around the house. No fire. Looked in the bathroom and Kevin had done the biggest shit possible from a feline of any size, right in the middle of the bath. Thanks Kevin. It was fucking horrendous and smelt like someone had pulled a plastic sixpack ring out of a moulding dolphins stomach and burnt it with a lighter under my nose. Not just that, but Kevin had shit all over his ass and in his dreaded winneps, then tried to snuggle in the bed and got cat shit everywhere between the bath and our pillows. Bad times. As you can imagine we had to clean the place and trim Kevins butt hair. Not the best activity when your sleep deprived.

Oh yes thats right, we went to the roller derby. It was fucking lesbians ahoy! It was good but slightly intimidating because of women that would have punched me fair in the cock if I looked at their girlfriends twice. Good times.

Dr Parnassus was good. Go and see it for yourself.

Things that are annoying me as of late:
Climate change skeptics.
Climate change.
Political jargon that does nothing for the benefit of man kind, or anyone and anything.
Uninteresting people that write books about themselves. Like politicians autobiographies or "I had an experience doing something that most people could do" sort of books. It shits me up the wall.

Peace and fucking.

the bland imaginarium of me

Oh g'day!

Dear Tesltra,
I hate you, and I hate everything you do. I hate the way you make me wait for ages on the phone only to talk to someone who has had their soul destroyed by angry people like me. Ringing Telstra is one of my most dreaded activities of modern common life. They are stooges at the best of times and they ripped me off good. However the people who work for The Commonwealth Bank of Australia are only to helpful. Would you like a credit card? would you like insurance? do you need a new car? Ever thought about buying a house? OK, I have had enough I just want to know how much money is in my old piggy bank? Zilch, thanks for you help.

Nothing to exciting in this weeks post my good friends. WOW! what the fuck! that was very weird. Just as I was typing that, I heard someone walking around at work, I looked up from the computer and there was a lady. She looked at me and started walking away and just kind of waved to say 'don't worry about it' and walked off kind of fastly. So I got up and was like, what the fuck? can I help you? but she was already out the door. I quickly checked everything, nothing was gone. Then I ran to the car park and the lady was just casually walking down the street. Weird! I wonder what she wanted? maybe she was checking the place out to burgle us later, or maybe she just changed her mind. Maybe, because she was black, she heard the really loud afrobeat music and thought it was a party! Did I mention I was playing very loud, very funky tunes? Did I mention she was black? Oh, I did, I just didnt want to bring alarm to the fact a suspicious looking person who just so happened to be the colour black was curiously perusing the premise of my work with out my knowledge. Thats all.

With that out the way I dont have much to say. My bloody gazebo fell down again, after I had already kind of fixed it. Stupid thing is proving more trouble than what its worth. But I think I have sorted it out good and proper. Nic came around and helped hoist it up. He also lent me his Roland S Howard record, was is brilliant. I got a turn table now so Im a happy man. Jasmine doesnt like it so much, she prefers the fuck off TV we now have. Modern appliance a plenty.

I saw the trailer for The imaginarium of doctor Parnassus and it looks really really awesome. Not because its Heath Ledgers last performance, I couldnt give a shit about that, but because its one of those things that only your imagination can take you to a place like that. I mean, normally if I was in a video shop or going to the movies, I tend to go for films that have a tag like "inspired by the real events" or "based on a true storey" and its usually about racism and killing some Jews or the injustices done to a black man by an oppressive regime or era. I like those movies, but every now and then you need to go a place where only the imagination can take you. Where reality doesnt exist. Because reality is for those who cant handle drugs. And you need to step outside of it sometimes. So I recommend getting off your gourd and going to see it. It will be well worth it.
Im still waiting for The Road to come out, but its a while off yet.

This weekend I am thinking about getting some spray cans and hitting the streets. Not to tag pointless shit like road signs and windows. But do some politically motivated stencils that have no relevance to todays political agenda. Who knows, maybe I will end up just doing a birds eye view of a cock and balls on every street corner in the northern suburbs. Thats political.

Keep your eyes in the sky

Recycling, cycling and cycles

So Ive just moved into a new house. Settling in, and familiarising myself with all the new things like the light switches, shower pressure, toilet roll holder, how many steps from the bed to the front door, the noises the house makes when its windy, the other houses in the street, nearby milk bars, when to put the wheelie bins out....when to put the wheelie bins out? At fucking 7am this morning! thats when I put the god damn wheelie bins out. Jasmine and I went for a bike ride around the burbs last night, and I made a point of looking for wheelie bins. None to be seen, not in my street, nor the streets around us. But at 7 am we could hear the "oh so quite" garbage men coming up the street. So it was running out into the street in my jocks carting along 2 wheelie bins, waving down the garbos and giving them the kind of fucked up smile/smirk/embarrassed look that anyone in their undies at 7 am would give a garbage man. Awful I tells you, awful. But the worst part was the guy just staring at me like, "I see this everyday but I still think your a wanker for running in the street in your chundies" kind of look. And raising my left hand in a polite gesture was not going to make the situation look better. I was going to scream at him "Im new to the neighborhood!!" but didnt want to attract the attention of the neighbors. So I ate humble pie for breakfast.

So the new house is great but my gazebo was destroyed in the wind the other day. I am upset. I love that gazebo.


In short, I dont have much to say or talk about. Im lacking inspiration for alot of things. Especially because the band is falling apart. Morgan is moving to Wales and Tom could be moving to Sydney. On one hand I am disappointed, because we put so much effort into it. We just had the CD finished which took fucking ages. We recorded at the start of the year and 9 months later we have a finished product. It really is like being in a relationship. Good times, bad times, hard times, not so hard times. Just lots of times really. On the other hand I am happy to let it go and try something new. The thought of starting a new band is pretty exciting. I dont think I will ever stop making music, I just need more time to do it and more people to do it with.
We are putting together a Wiseflys line up for a gig in December. Its going to be pretty damn awesome. Check out the link and listen to the great classic hits like "shit on my dick"
The band is going to be pretty huge, about 8 or more people. Ill be playing keyboards, short shorts and percussion bits and pieces.

Tonight I mite just go to Bunnings to get stuff to fix the gazebo. I hate that place. I thought I would love it but no. Its like DIY IKEA. Once your in, you cant find what you need and have to walk through the whole fucking place to find it. In the mean time you have asked 3 work experience kids, a retarded guy they hired because they felt bad and a woman who couldnt get a screw even if she knew wich aisle they are in. (oh that was bad, please forgive me) The only good thing about is the sausage sizzles. Speaking of IKEA, Jasmine and I got some stuff from there last week. So much useless shit but your are forced to walk past it all and pretend like its really nice. While couples argue over what looks better and where to put it, I pretend I am in a different world. My thoughts sound like "la la lal lala al ala la la la trunda lala lala" with a back ground noise similar to centrelink. I had such a rush from visiting IKEA I managed to put the stuff together in record timing. I was fucking proud, Jasmine even said "you could get a job at IKEA!" I thought about for at least .03 seconds and being over .05 b.a.c I decided quickly but quietly against it. The sweet poetry of my life.

keep it gangsta.

hey hey its not actually racist!

Hi good folks of blogtown. Its time for a weekly injection of goodness. The goodness and the not so goodness of the things that happened between now and my previous post.

Lets recap:
Dali Exhibition. Nope. Didnt make it. Yes dear reader, I regret it. Here is the story. (in a timeline)
Saturday morning, woke from a deep slumber, drank coffee and got to some real estate agents to start looking for houses. Looked at a few shit houses and one I really liked. Mainly because of the hat hooks in the hallway, this was the selling point.
Saturday night we where out with friends at a vegan/vegetation restaurant. I thought id wear my leather jacket to cause a little "who wha" but no one even looked twice. Failure on my behalf. I thought they would at least ask me to leave it at the door to avoid offending anyone.
Afterwards we sat on the beach and smoked a fatty. It was serene and delightful. Apart from some fucking insane lunatic yelling at some Muslims to take their head scarfs off! That part was crazy. This guy was really really angry. To the point where you couldnt actually understand what he was saying because he had so much fury inside of him. He yelled and yelled and yelled but the Muslims just acted like they couldnt hear him. Which I have to say is a good thing. I contemplated smashing a bottle over this guys head but didnt want to get involved. So we just ignored him.
We headed to the Dali show around 11pm. Feeling a little loose and in the mood for staring at some psychedelic art. We took one look at the line, and thought fuck that for a joke. It was massive! We didnt even get to the end of the que before we decided not to do it. We asked some people and they said at least 3 hours untill you get inside. I would have been sober by then. Sober, tired and not in a good mood after standing in a line for 3 hours. We thought maybe we can come back at 5am and it will be awesome. So we went home and at 5am, I refused to get out of bed. So it didnt happen, and I regret it.
Sunday we felt stupid for not going, so we drove all over the western suburbs to look at BBQs. These days a BBQ can do just about anything. Its amazing.
We didnt buy a BBQ but we got some sweet bikes! They are bloody awesome. Mines black and rad, Jasmines is blue and girlie. Oh my its so much fun cruising the suburbs with loud annoying air horns and using them excessively around children and barking dogs. They love it, I love it.

Tuesday we got a call about the house I like and we got approved! Fun times. Pubs within riding distance and hat hooks in the hallway. What more to life could I possibly need?

Now about racism:
The hey hey its Saturday skit isnt actually racist, its race related. Which is very different. Racism by definition is; discrimination based on race. My first point is, they didnt discriminate in any way and it was a parody of the Jackson 5. Who are black. Therefor portraying them as they are.

This weekend I will be moving house and drinking beers to celebrate. Feel free to join me if you like putting other peoples stuff in the rightful place eg: you putting my cutlery, in my cutlery draw.

Keep it dusty. Dont paint your faces black.

Upcomings and short comings

Its time again to post a sweet blog. I have a fucken amazing amount of followers, so this is for you guys.....not really. Its just stuff im getting excited about and things that give me nightmares.

The Bad News:
Well nothing bad has happened to me, but I sure as fuck would not like this to happen. After hearing about this I have a whole new level of fear. Can you imagine being in a shitful car crash? then on a separate note being swarmed by bees? or better still, being in a shitful car crash with a bee truck, and, then being swarmed by bees? and having no one to rescue you because they are getting stung by killer, goddamn, motherfucking bees. FUCK THAT!

The Good News:
On a lighter note that doesnt involve bees. I got tickets to see Anticon artist Why? at the East Brunswick Club in December. If you dont know who Why? is, I suggest you go buy one of the albums, cancel all plans, lock yourself in your bedroom with some beers and a joint and dont come out until you have realised the magic. Though the beers and joint isnt necessary to enjoy the music, it will certainly help. This guy has a delivery that makes Kanye "im a fuckhead" West look as bad as a late Milkman. (trust me, I know what its like to deliver the milk late)
Its their first time in Australia and its going to be awesome. I just hope old mate Sack doesnt show up.

In other great news I saw the trailer for The Road. I reckon it will be good but some people have a different opinion. Apparently the book is really good, but im the type of person who waits for the movie. For a number of reasons, firstly because I dont have the patience or time to read a huge book and because with movies, all the thinking and guess work is done for you. But I suppose that puts a dampener on your imagination and reading is good for your brain and that shit but, fuck, who really cares. Movies are rad. Books are boring. Oh and Nick Cave and Warren Ellis have done the score for it, so that will be interesting. The stuff they did for The Proposition was pretty good.

Ummm what else?..... this weekend im going to soulmamas vegetarian restaurant in St Kilda. Its BYO meat and animal products, so I will fit right in. Afterwards we are heading to the Dali exhibition if its not to busy. Its 24hours this Saturday only and closes Sunday arvo. I best see it while its here other wise ill regret it. I dont think Jasmine is that into it, but she will just have to put up with it. My 3 year old Son went with his Mother and said it was really boring. Maybe he is just like me with the movie thing. Why dont they make a movie about the exhibition so my Son and I dont have get off the couch to experience the awesomeness, and the fridge isnt so far away! Fuck, im turning American. And my belly is getting bigger.

After that the options are, go and see Bendigo band, Bang! Bang! Aids! at the Birmingham. That will be sweet. See some old friends and get my drink on a plenty.
Or
Go to Morgans probably shit party. Any suggestions people?

Beer, drums, beer, Jasmine, food, wine, movie, sleep.
Signing off.

oh, what a night

Last Saturday was bloody awesome. I know what your thinking dear readers, why are you telling us now? The answer is its taken me this long to put the pieces together and find some photos. Ill try to tell the story in a timeline of the events happening. This is how I recall it.


We (smurfinger) had a gig in Castlemaine above stonemans bookroom. It was for the Wicked City launch. All bands played brilliantly and rocked the fucking house. It was packed and everyone was in a good mood.


We decided to do something a little different and dress up. Or in my case, dress down. This is what I looked like:
















We played like mad men and got sweaty as fuck. I had a massive sweat stain on the front of those little shorts, it looked like i pissed myself. But I didnt. I even recited a verse from I love a sunburnt country.

So I put my regular clothes back on and headed down stairs to see some old friends and breath the fresh Castlemaine air. Thats when I bumped in to an old mate. Lets call him "Sack" yep old mate Ballsack alright. Old faithful, old trustworthy, old chump. You get the picture. He was a little sheepish bit I just shrugged it off and went about my business because I couldnt care less what he had to say. But as I was crossing the road he felt like he needed a word with me. So he started a little tough guy dance and finger pointing thing that made me think, is that Sylvester Stallone on smack? Turns out it wasnt that bad, somewhere along the line a roumor started, that I started a roumor about his brother not having cancer. Truth be known, just because I dont really like the guy and 98% of what comes out of his mouth is bullshit, doesnt mean I would go out of my way to put him down like that. Its harsh. And I have sympathy for him. On a lot of levels.

With that out the way it was part time. I danced like a muppet doing the limp wristed wobble dance. It gave me a killer sore neck the next day. But it was well worth it.
The party then continued on at the botanical gardens. So many people showed up and it was fucking cold but we used the BBQs for warmth and someone started a fire.
I dont remember much after that but yelling into the megaphone "we are getting married!" and the festivities really kicked off then.
Jasmine and I expressed our love a little more than usual and announced the big news. It wasnt what I had planned but I guess it was ok. I was off my face and was definitely feeling the love. So in answer to all your questions and congratulations, one day we will get married, but not anytime soon.
I woke in the morning and the first thing I said was "can you get me a pastie from the Maldon Bakery" and my dreams came true. All in all a success.
We sold a few CDs and made some money off the door. I thought to myself, we should really try and organise another event like this, but its the sort of thing that just happens. If you over plan it, nothing goes to plan.

Im kind of lost for words now. Not much happened this weekend just gone. Apart from going to Maryborough for Jasmine grandparents 50th anniversary. Maryborough is balls, old people have saggy balls but they are polite. Not so much to me. And the eat soft mushy food, wich i dont mind.
Oh thats right! my douche bag brother made my housemate put my car a few blocks away, so I would think it was stolen. It didnt work because the first thing I did was ring Aaron. He tried to play dumb but I could see right through him. So I got a lift 2 blocks away and drove my car home and went to sleep. I wasnt even angry, only slightly inconvenienced by about 2 mins 30 seconds. Nice try dickheads.

Bon Jovi.

Thailand edition

well, I said I would post some stuff about Thailand so here it is:

short version:
1; whent to Thailand on an airplane
2; got drunk and rode a scooter
3; shopped like we where fucking possessed
4; airplane home again

long version, if your interested:

Well pretty much as above but with more details.

Firstly Ive been planning, and planning only, a big trip across Europe and Morocco but things kept getting pushed back. So I decided a quick trip to Thailand as a surprise for my girlfriend would satisfy the travel bug for now.

We spent 8 days in Phuket first up. After having the shit hassled out of us as soon as we left the hotel grounds and quickly getting the hang of bartering and getting ripped off, we decided to get a scooter to buzz around on. This was one of the best parts for me. The freedom, the wind in my white sunburnt face, absolutely insane traffic, 10cc under my balls and Jasmine on the back with a video camera.
We named the scooter 'Kitten'. It was beutiful. I could ride wherever Jasmine would let me. And no one was trying to rip us off and sell useless nick nack items only sentimental grandmothers could want.
I was getting pretty sick of people trying to be my friend, complimenting my moustache and yelling "aussie aussie aussie" in order for me to buy some useless shit or quirky T-shirt that didnt translate that well into English. So this one guy came up to me and said "hey my friend i love your handlebar moustache where are you from?" to wich I replied "Sweden" thinking that will teach you for hassling me you fuck face. And then I heard him say "vilken roll Sverige kommer du ifrån?" and I just starred at him, realising I was the fuck face and said "huh?" with a kind of yogi bear tone. He repeated in Swedish and then said "your not from Sweden are you"
So it back fired and the guy still tryed to sell me a tailored suit and some other shit untill Jasmine dragged me away.
I havent uploaded any photos because they are either of me drunk with a red face, Jasmines cleavage or some mistreated animals at the Phuket zoo. How ever we did get a video cam and filmed heaps of us riding on Kitten and doing stupid tourist things. Ill upload it oneday (when i figure out how to edit out things you dont need to hear)

I best be off now. Olly wants to play some songs and Jasmine is cooking me kangabangas.

So off I fuck.

long time bloggee, first time blogger

I decided to start a blog. Firstly to let you know what ive been doing and the shit that happens around me. I mite even do a gig guide and some other shit  if get my head around it and blog steady for a reasonable amount of time.

So this is what i did today:

A politically incorrect sales flyer to try and create some hype but so far have had no luck.

I first thought of this last night and then got on a magic carpet of puns and lounged on it until it landed somewhere in the middle east. Probably Iraq or iRACK should have been slipped in somewhere.

Anyways, until next time.

I mite upload some shit about Thailand soon.

Keep it well jackson.