It started when the drain in the backyard decided to work the opposite way of its sole purpose. So we rang the emergency numbers for the real estate. To no avail. Thanks a fucking lot. My back yard was stinking of shit and we had to deal with it. So first thing in the morning I rang them and the lady had this attitude like "just pull the spaghetti out of the plug-hole" until I said "theirs poo all over my backyard" and she quickly changed her tone, and all was fixed by the time I got home from work.
The night of the poo was when we saw Where the wild things are. Its brilliant but very sad. A little to sad. Did you know Spike Jonze is co-owner of girl skateboards? did you know Spike Jonze was dating Karen-o? Did you know Spike Jonze is creative director vbs.tv? Did you know Spike Jonze is pretty bloody awesome? Well, you should. What a man.
I've discovered a few things about myself recently. One is that I'm pretty fucking good at lawn bowls. Almost too good. It shocked me. It was Jasmine's long for it xmas party and we all got pretty drunk and bowled like the oldest people alive. TAB times and a chicken parma you could eat with no teeth.
Another thing I've noticed is my habit of mocking people behind their back. And its pretty close to getting me into trouble. Its a new found habit but its pretty awesome, you should give it a try. A few classic examples are pretending beat off when someone turns the other way. I almost got busted the other day, using a knife as a penis and fucking a piece bread with a Clint Eastwood snarl look on my face, just as the person who was about to eat the bread walked back in. Close call. Lucky.
The wiseflyz gig was dang good. I was planning on wearing one of Jasmine's dresses, but couldn't figure out how or what bits of my body went where. So I wore a fluffy blue vest instead. Looked a million bucks I did. We played well and Stingray sung and danced better than Mickey Jackson.
I need/ want new vacuum cleaner. One that could suck a cock off a horse. One that could pull the skin on a Pug so tight it would look like a Chihuahua, or a bald rat. One that will clean up Kevin shit and then cleans itself. For fuck sake Kevin, your a domestic animal, and by domestic I mean you have been selectively bred over thousands of years alongside humans and you still cant shit in your designated shitting area. What is it behind your little cat face that makes you want to shit on things like a treadmill? Yes, a fucking treadmill and a cat, you wouldn't think of all places he would shit there. Maybe one day you saw me watching this and thought in your cat head, I reckon thats a good place to shit, right where those idiot humans walk. Or maybe, after talking to the cat at the door, the one that actually pissed on the front door, you made a bet with him who could annoy your human masters the most. Well you and you cat friend have done quite a good job. Thanks. Or maybe you where just doing your daily cat thing, drink from the water bowl, eat some expensive cat food, lick your paws and face, roll around a little.....then you spot the treadmill. You think to yourself, what is that? can I shit on it? then you look at it with a Clint Eastwood snarl but a cat version and think you know what? fuck it. I am going to shit on that thing, a few times. Thanks a lot Kev.
We also got a sweet couch, I will put some pics up when I can be screwed.
Things that are shitting me as of late:
Kevin shitting.
Shit in the backyard.
Poo.
Borry.
Turd.
All things poo related.
Lack of time to achieve the thousands of goals I set.
Anyways, keep it in the toilet. And dont forget to wipe.
