the bland imaginarium of me

Oh g'day!

Dear Tesltra,
I hate you, and I hate everything you do. I hate the way you make me wait for ages on the phone only to talk to someone who has had their soul destroyed by angry people like me. Ringing Telstra is one of my most dreaded activities of modern common life. They are stooges at the best of times and they ripped me off good. However the people who work for The Commonwealth Bank of Australia are only to helpful. Would you like a credit card? would you like insurance? do you need a new car? Ever thought about buying a house? OK, I have had enough I just want to know how much money is in my old piggy bank? Zilch, thanks for you help.

Nothing to exciting in this weeks post my good friends. WOW! what the fuck! that was very weird. Just as I was typing that, I heard someone walking around at work, I looked up from the computer and there was a lady. She looked at me and started walking away and just kind of waved to say 'don't worry about it' and walked off kind of fastly. So I got up and was like, what the fuck? can I help you? but she was already out the door. I quickly checked everything, nothing was gone. Then I ran to the car park and the lady was just casually walking down the street. Weird! I wonder what she wanted? maybe she was checking the place out to burgle us later, or maybe she just changed her mind. Maybe, because she was black, she heard the really loud afrobeat music and thought it was a party! Did I mention I was playing very loud, very funky tunes? Did I mention she was black? Oh, I did, I just didnt want to bring alarm to the fact a suspicious looking person who just so happened to be the colour black was curiously perusing the premise of my work with out my knowledge. Thats all.

With that out the way I dont have much to say. My bloody gazebo fell down again, after I had already kind of fixed it. Stupid thing is proving more trouble than what its worth. But I think I have sorted it out good and proper. Nic came around and helped hoist it up. He also lent me his Roland S Howard record, was is brilliant. I got a turn table now so Im a happy man. Jasmine doesnt like it so much, she prefers the fuck off TV we now have. Modern appliance a plenty.

I saw the trailer for The imaginarium of doctor Parnassus and it looks really really awesome. Not because its Heath Ledgers last performance, I couldnt give a shit about that, but because its one of those things that only your imagination can take you to a place like that. I mean, normally if I was in a video shop or going to the movies, I tend to go for films that have a tag like "inspired by the real events" or "based on a true storey" and its usually about racism and killing some Jews or the injustices done to a black man by an oppressive regime or era. I like those movies, but every now and then you need to go a place where only the imagination can take you. Where reality doesnt exist. Because reality is for those who cant handle drugs. And you need to step outside of it sometimes. So I recommend getting off your gourd and going to see it. It will be well worth it.
Im still waiting for The Road to come out, but its a while off yet.

This weekend I am thinking about getting some spray cans and hitting the streets. Not to tag pointless shit like road signs and windows. But do some politically motivated stencils that have no relevance to todays political agenda. Who knows, maybe I will end up just doing a birds eye view of a cock and balls on every street corner in the northern suburbs. Thats political.

Keep your eyes in the sky

Recycling, cycling and cycles

So Ive just moved into a new house. Settling in, and familiarising myself with all the new things like the light switches, shower pressure, toilet roll holder, how many steps from the bed to the front door, the noises the house makes when its windy, the other houses in the street, nearby milk bars, when to put the wheelie bins out....when to put the wheelie bins out? At fucking 7am this morning! thats when I put the god damn wheelie bins out. Jasmine and I went for a bike ride around the burbs last night, and I made a point of looking for wheelie bins. None to be seen, not in my street, nor the streets around us. But at 7 am we could hear the "oh so quite" garbage men coming up the street. So it was running out into the street in my jocks carting along 2 wheelie bins, waving down the garbos and giving them the kind of fucked up smile/smirk/embarrassed look that anyone in their undies at 7 am would give a garbage man. Awful I tells you, awful. But the worst part was the guy just staring at me like, "I see this everyday but I still think your a wanker for running in the street in your chundies" kind of look. And raising my left hand in a polite gesture was not going to make the situation look better. I was going to scream at him "Im new to the neighborhood!!" but didnt want to attract the attention of the neighbors. So I ate humble pie for breakfast.

So the new house is great but my gazebo was destroyed in the wind the other day. I am upset. I love that gazebo.


In short, I dont have much to say or talk about. Im lacking inspiration for alot of things. Especially because the band is falling apart. Morgan is moving to Wales and Tom could be moving to Sydney. On one hand I am disappointed, because we put so much effort into it. We just had the CD finished which took fucking ages. We recorded at the start of the year and 9 months later we have a finished product. It really is like being in a relationship. Good times, bad times, hard times, not so hard times. Just lots of times really. On the other hand I am happy to let it go and try something new. The thought of starting a new band is pretty exciting. I dont think I will ever stop making music, I just need more time to do it and more people to do it with.
We are putting together a Wiseflys line up for a gig in December. Its going to be pretty damn awesome. Check out the link and listen to the great classic hits like "shit on my dick"
The band is going to be pretty huge, about 8 or more people. Ill be playing keyboards, short shorts and percussion bits and pieces.

Tonight I mite just go to Bunnings to get stuff to fix the gazebo. I hate that place. I thought I would love it but no. Its like DIY IKEA. Once your in, you cant find what you need and have to walk through the whole fucking place to find it. In the mean time you have asked 3 work experience kids, a retarded guy they hired because they felt bad and a woman who couldnt get a screw even if she knew wich aisle they are in. (oh that was bad, please forgive me) The only good thing about is the sausage sizzles. Speaking of IKEA, Jasmine and I got some stuff from there last week. So much useless shit but your are forced to walk past it all and pretend like its really nice. While couples argue over what looks better and where to put it, I pretend I am in a different world. My thoughts sound like "la la lal lala al ala la la la trunda lala lala" with a back ground noise similar to centrelink. I had such a rush from visiting IKEA I managed to put the stuff together in record timing. I was fucking proud, Jasmine even said "you could get a job at IKEA!" I thought about for at least .03 seconds and being over .05 b.a.c I decided quickly but quietly against it. The sweet poetry of my life.

keep it gangsta.

hey hey its not actually racist!

Hi good folks of blogtown. Its time for a weekly injection of goodness. The goodness and the not so goodness of the things that happened between now and my previous post.

Lets recap:
Dali Exhibition. Nope. Didnt make it. Yes dear reader, I regret it. Here is the story. (in a timeline)
Saturday morning, woke from a deep slumber, drank coffee and got to some real estate agents to start looking for houses. Looked at a few shit houses and one I really liked. Mainly because of the hat hooks in the hallway, this was the selling point.
Saturday night we where out with friends at a vegan/vegetation restaurant. I thought id wear my leather jacket to cause a little "who wha" but no one even looked twice. Failure on my behalf. I thought they would at least ask me to leave it at the door to avoid offending anyone.
Afterwards we sat on the beach and smoked a fatty. It was serene and delightful. Apart from some fucking insane lunatic yelling at some Muslims to take their head scarfs off! That part was crazy. This guy was really really angry. To the point where you couldnt actually understand what he was saying because he had so much fury inside of him. He yelled and yelled and yelled but the Muslims just acted like they couldnt hear him. Which I have to say is a good thing. I contemplated smashing a bottle over this guys head but didnt want to get involved. So we just ignored him.
We headed to the Dali show around 11pm. Feeling a little loose and in the mood for staring at some psychedelic art. We took one look at the line, and thought fuck that for a joke. It was massive! We didnt even get to the end of the que before we decided not to do it. We asked some people and they said at least 3 hours untill you get inside. I would have been sober by then. Sober, tired and not in a good mood after standing in a line for 3 hours. We thought maybe we can come back at 5am and it will be awesome. So we went home and at 5am, I refused to get out of bed. So it didnt happen, and I regret it.
Sunday we felt stupid for not going, so we drove all over the western suburbs to look at BBQs. These days a BBQ can do just about anything. Its amazing.
We didnt buy a BBQ but we got some sweet bikes! They are bloody awesome. Mines black and rad, Jasmines is blue and girlie. Oh my its so much fun cruising the suburbs with loud annoying air horns and using them excessively around children and barking dogs. They love it, I love it.

Tuesday we got a call about the house I like and we got approved! Fun times. Pubs within riding distance and hat hooks in the hallway. What more to life could I possibly need?

Now about racism:
The hey hey its Saturday skit isnt actually racist, its race related. Which is very different. Racism by definition is; discrimination based on race. My first point is, they didnt discriminate in any way and it was a parody of the Jackson 5. Who are black. Therefor portraying them as they are.

This weekend I will be moving house and drinking beers to celebrate. Feel free to join me if you like putting other peoples stuff in the rightful place eg: you putting my cutlery, in my cutlery draw.

Keep it dusty. Dont paint your faces black.